… how to handle situations which used to baffle us.” This is one of the Ninth Step promises in Alcoholics Anonymous. And oh, how I long to improve my willingness to stop and access my intuition when I get upset. This does not happen often any longer, but when it does happen I find myself fluctuating between knowing when to calmly speak my truth and when to merely accept that which I cannot change.

I was brought up in a world where I thought nice girls didn’t get mad. And I wanted to be a nice girl. This led to stuffing feelings and pretending things were okay when they weren’t. With this attitude, after a while, passive aggressive behavior was the manner in which I tried to manipulate others as I sought to get my way while avoiding any head-on confrontations. Stuffing feelings also led to outbursts often directed at innocent bystanders, usually my children, instead of dealing with the real issues. I don’t want to go back to that behavior as much as I don’t want to go back to the self-made prison of addiction. Therefore, I wish to access my intuition in each situation when I find myself becoming upset so that I know what is appropriate behavior for me in each instance. By the way, whether you were prone to stuffing feelings or using anger and rage to control others, the answer is the same—more spiritual growth.

Once I heard Carolyn Myss give a talk on intuition. Myss is a renowned author and medical intuitive. I recall her saying that everyone has access to intuition, but everyone does not trust it. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary to intuit is “to know or understand (something) because of what you feel or sense rather than because of evidence.” Learning to remember to access intuition and develop trust in it comes with practice.

One of the ways I take positive action to change my behavior is to write an affirmation reflecting my desired state of being. Then I focus on the affirmation for several minutes each morning and night and, if possible, throughout the day. This keeps my desired behavior at the forefront of consciousness so that at the next opportunity to practice it, I will remember.

I just love it when I see God working in my life. After contemplating this issue, when to speak out and when not to speak out, a friend came to me with the same concern! We wrote the following affirmation together and are currently using it:

“I intuitively know when to lovingly speak my truth and peacefully accept what I cannot change.”

The next time I become upset, I intend to: stop, feel the feelings generated, accept that it’s okay to feel whatever I’m feeling, breathe, relax, invite spiritual assistance to see things differently, and follow my inner guidance—as long as it is in harmony with love.

If I can’t speak my truth in a kind and loving manner, then the time is not right for me to speak. Much more is accomplished with the grace of an open mind and an attitude of compassionate understanding than with anger, resentment, and disdain. On the other hand, failing to speak my truth out of fear (unless there is truly a present danger) is another pitfall to be avoided. Intuitively knowing how to handle each situation is not only possible but highly practical. And, of course, this is another progress not perfection opportunity.

For more information about accessing intuition, check out this Huffington Post article, “10 Things Highly Intuitive People Do Differently” by Carolyn Gregoire.

Does anyone else wish to improve in this area? What is your experience?